i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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