i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
why is half of my head shaved?
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