Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
