You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
