wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
