im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
