During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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