You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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