Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
