I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
