You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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