brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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