turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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