We won't sleep together?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
