Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
