He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
