Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
