i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made him laugh his dick is mine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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