at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize