I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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