sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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