She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
