they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
