Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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