If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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