so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
