Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
