Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
