why im i the only drunk person in the library?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
