Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize