I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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