How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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