If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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