I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
