I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
