I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
