then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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