just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
