my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
