I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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