the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
