I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
