haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
