I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize