I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
