Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
