don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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