how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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