My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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