So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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