note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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