i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
