I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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