I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
