Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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