Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
