well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
