There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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