Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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