I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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