I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize