I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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