My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
