Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
