grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
