remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
