sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
