Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize