Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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