chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
