Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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