nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
